秩序 -

the people who don't know me

and also my friends

probably think that i'm a messy person (ok they actually do haha)

the books, sheets, stationery stuff are all over my desk

for me - somehow overpiled like an artwork - keke

but anyway, nobody would think like that like me

because for them it's just a real mess haha

but actually they are in order

maybe in a randomly chosen order unintentionally caused by me

but it's an order which i know well and e.g.: i always know where the biology book is.

i feel comfortable working in that mess.

i couldn't do anything if my desk was clean.

because it resembles emptiness and dullness.

if someone rearranges the order or "helps me getting it back in an order"

i go crazy

i literally go crazy

it's like seeing someone drawing on your artwork and thinks it looks better like that because he likes it like that even though your artwork is YOUR own personal reflection of something

that's why i hate it when my friends "help me clean" my desk

i know it's bothersome for them to look at that messy corner of mine 

and i'm being inconsiderate because i know it looks bad keke

but i just want to mention

that this mess is actually reflecting me

this messy order is my perspective that no one understands

i always thought that i became a person who's so neutral that i wouldn't care more or less about any kind of beliefs

that i am a really carefree person

but that's not the truth

i'm also binded to something

it's this "mess".

in me.

i also project my imaginations on everything on this world. 

and if someone makes a change to it,

i'd also go crazy. 

my order

i'm obsessed about it. 

like any other human.

because nobody could live with no beliefs. they just live as zombies.