恨 初戀 -

i hate your smile
i hate your sincere laugh
i hate your eyes
i hate your voice
i hate your being
i hate your smell
i hate your handsome ugliness
i hate your cologne which is used by 99,9% of the rest of the other males here
i hate you having to wear your pants lower than your ass showing half of your boxers
i hate you goofing around
i hate you having to show me a picture about you and your gf and looking at my reaction even though we are not even that kind of friends
i hate you leaning backwards one row in front of me while a boy next to me asks me if i'm still in love with you
i hate you always wanting me to tell you the maths exercise results
i hate it when you cover your face while laughing too much
i hate it when you laugh like a zombie to act like a comedian
i hate it when you are never serious
i hate it when you surprise me with unexpected things
i hate how you are actually really observant
i hate how you always hide your feelings
i hate your need to be the "cool person"
i hate your pretending to look cool and popular
i hate it when you are happy to show me your room during the winter sport weeks
i hate it when you help me
i hate it when you stand in front of me to "protect" me
i hate your dishonesty
i hate your shit looking hair
i hate you getting skinnier than me
i hate you changing the topics to stay unpersonal
i hate it when you whisper
i hate you praising me
i hate you liking my drawings and making me happier than anyone else does with praise
i hate you asking me about anime stuff all the time so we can actually talk
i hate it when you think a lot about what to write about me but just write normal stuff
i hate it when you silently rant about me giving your seat neighbour christmas presents but not you
i hate that you get a girlfriend before me getting a boyfriend
i hate remembering all the details from your actions
i hate not knowing anything what you were thinking back then
i hate felling in love many times after forgetting about you but still having the same heartbeat when thinking about the memories of you
i hate how you are the only one who never 100% got out of my heart even though you treated me like shit and we hated each other like hell
i hate how you are the one that completely crashed my pride and turned my world upside down - at the end in a negative way
i hate how we dislike each other at the end
i hate how our eyes meet when walking to each other on the streets
i hate how i can read your thoughts just by looking in your eyes and knowing that you also can.

i hate how i know i will never ever completely forget about you
i hate how i know that you are the only one until now that looks inside me unconsciously

i hate how i am writing this right now because of an incident relating to you today
i hate how i still have so many 'i hate's but i hate you too much to dedicate a too long text to you