抱歉 -

third day of me having my emptiness-issues

i started a fight with my mom, put on my shoes and autumn jacket (because i was in pyjama) and went out.

my mom took my phone and keys before i left.

it's the first time that i didn't feel anything while going every step towards distance.

i did this many times but never left the apartments building. 

this time i really just walked towards the building door, opened it and left. 

i couldn't stop walking though i was in my pyjamas and it was hot as hell in my autumn jacket but i didn't want to go back. 

nobody was against me, nobody did wrong to me or made me feel bad. 

only me - i was fault at everything i've been feeling. 

i walked the way up where my bus would go his route. i never knew where my bus will go after my station so i just followed that path up after my station.

i felt strange but calm.

there were several cross roads but somehow i chose the ones that led me back to my house which meant that was exactly my bus' route.

i decided to go back and met a black cat with blue ribbons. i approached her but she walked away directed to my apartment house. 

now i'm home. 

and. 

i feel like i've never left this house before even i walked a quite long hilly path. 

i thought i could change myself a little bit after this walk but all i did is making my parents worry.

when i returned home, the door wasn't locked and my mom was outside searching for me. 

really.

selfish things never change the things you want to change but hurt others or the people around you.